Strawing.....

Like tea? Like chocolate? Ever tried strawing, my brother suggested it once when we were in the house. Strawing is essentially the art of turning a chocolate bar into a straw to drink through. It is quite simple, the best thing to do is to get a hot drink like a cup of tea or a hot chocolate. Then remove your chocolate bar from it's wrapper, taking care not to damage the structural integrity of the chocolate bar. Then bite the ends off, exposing the inner parts, after this put it in your tea and suck, just like a straw. The inner parts of the bar will melt, leaving a warm gooey chocolaty mess, otherwise known as Heaven. Don't leave it too long before popping it in your mouth, the bars have a tendency to disintegrate after a few moments. The best chocolate bars to do it with are Penguins, Time Out's or Kitkats. I realised this morning, people need to know about this, when I caught myself talking dirty to a chocolate bar whilst the kettle was boiling. Don't bother trying with Mars Bars or anything with too much bulk. Although I think a Kit Kat chunky would be amazing. It has to have either a wafer, biscuit or air filled chocolate on the inside to work, hence the reason Time Out's work so well. So what are you waiting for? Get strawing! Just a side note for the Kit Kat, you have to break it into individual sticks for it to work, but be careful if the wafer is exposed midway up the stick 'cause you snapped it wrong, you'll just be sucking air. It only works when the chocolate bar is air tight.

Unfinished Business

 I sat down this evening, not really knowing what to do, the first book Nowhere to be Found is with a close friend being read, possibly even as I write this blog. I am unwilling to work on the second book, simply because I am sick of looking at it. If you’ve ever edited a book, you will know what I mean. There is only so many times you can read something before you drive yourself mad. I sat down mulling over what to do next. Starting the short stories seems like a logical choice, but I am somewhat lacking in inspiration at present for a decent short story, and I am not one for peddling crap, I want good, inspired writing. 


This led me back to an old piece I’d written, well half-written. Two Brothers was inspired by my time spent in Bermondsey, soaking up the local culture. I wasn’t too sure when I put it down, was the idea workable? It certainly seemed like it, but something nagged at me. I didn’t want to waste time on it, then realise it was awful, so I promptly started the second Matthew Deezat book instead; leaving the eight thousand words of Two Brothers, I had written on a file on my desktop. Tonight after reading about seven articles, I stumbled back over it, and the scary thing is, I liked it, I really liked it. It made me laugh. I feel like this year has been a year of unfinished business. For example the football project that never got started, the dream of completing my first novel. I don’t think I want Two Brothers to be added to the list of Joseph Turner’s unfinished business, it deserves better than that. Not that it is all my fault; in some cases, I have just been caught up in litigation. For example, the football project that couldn’t get started because my CRB didn’t come through. My elder has a policy, called the push doors policy. Basically you push doors and see what opens. If it doesn’t open then move on. I don’t agree in some ways, my policy is if it doesn’t open then keep pushing till it does! But I am not one for wasting time; it is too precious to waste, so I will just be pushing more lightly from now on. If God wills it, then it will happen. The best advice I can give in terms of actually finishing your books is momentum is key. If you've lost your momentum you are in trouble. If you need to rekindle it, the best thing to do is re-read the piece. You may at that point remember why you wrote it, and thus why you should finish it.


I must have close to twenty documents, ranging from short stories to whole novels (mostly unfinished) on my computer at present, which for whatever reason I have not caught the vision for, or perhaps have just forgot about. I think this is going to be a week of panning for gold; sifting through my old stories in search of gold. Perhaps I will publish Two Brothers on Hubpages when I am done, Chapter by chapter. Oh the possibilities–in the mean time I have a lot to be getting on with; not least my Teaching Assistant training. Exciting times indeed!

An update from Bradford: A New Found Hope

Last week was probably one of the toughest weeks I have had in years. I saw people around me taking significant steps forward, charting their lives out, whilst I appeared to be going nowhere. I found that incredibly frustrating. I was happy for my friends, but starting feeling sorry for myself. This week however, I finally came to a decision and signed up for a teaching assistant course. I love working with young people so it seems like a logical choice and there is the opportunity to become a teacher if I fancy it. In the writing world things have moved on significantly, I have completed another draft of the second book, and I am now starting my first joint collaborative piece with  Brandon Vaughan. We are doing a collection of short stories together. The first of which is finished, I have just had an idea for the second book, and will be working on it over the next couple of days. I have also moved onto Hubpages, an online writing community. I have published two stories and an article on Bradford already, and am meeting new people through it, and best of all I am feeling a lot more positive. Life is good again! I am sure some people are reading this thinking: I only wish my dark spells were as short as yours, Joseph. That's God, he carries us through the rough times. On the church front, we are doing masses of outreach over the next week to promote Alpha, we have something like 1500 fliers printed, so Christians getting praying for opportunities and divine appointments.

Flowers and Rain

I always thought women had the raw end of the deal, child birth is incredibly painful. Life for them isn’t easy; they are often dogged by insecurity. Most end up finding theirs in their partner. Actually there is a very sweet quote with regards to it. God could have chosen to make woman out of any part of man, but he chose the rib, why? Because she would be by his side, under his arm, and close to his heart. Of course the older I get the more I realise men have burdens too. Nothing as painful as labour granted. No, most men’s turmoil comes from within themselves. As I approach my mid twenties, what I can become all too aware of is this nagging sense of failure that seems to nip at my heels like a little dog. Most days it feels like everyone is moving forward, except me.

 It’s tough because actually I chose to do this year out. I love the people of Bradford, even the one’s I struggle to understand.  It has meant my entire life was put on hold for a year, and a person with an in built desire and strong work ethic (like myself) that is Hell on earth. Worse than that, I am now paying the price for my poor choices at A Level. It could now take up three years for me to become a primary school teacher, because I didn’t do English, Maths or science at A level. Knowing that we don’t get flowers without a little bit of rain is not much comfort when you are stuck in the middle of a storm. The funniest thing is if I moan about it all I get back from God is “You do not know the good things I have for you,” and the sound of faint laughter.  Although you know what does bring me comfort, in all of this, I know the rubbish that biblical Joseph went through. God made big promises–that he would be a ruler of a nation. Then he was left in a ditch by his brothers, sold into slavery and was put in prison for a crime he did not commit. And at that point when life could not get any worse, it doesn’t, he gets his chance in front of Pharaoh, then becomes a joint ruler of Israel, then saves his brothers from a famine.  All I can think is that God must have some really important things for me to do, because this feels at times nigh on impossible.  If you feel like you are being put through a grinder at the moment, I recommend Rob Bell’s rain video. It is a massive comfort to me when the crap hits the fan.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=koutUz0Im48

 Anyway as I was saying what I am fast realising is that the buck stops with man, not woman. As a Christian man I am answerable and responsible for my wife (whoever she maybe), for my unborn children and my future. That is a big weight to carry. It seems to grow heavier with every passing day. The interesting thing is, I am sure I am not the only man who feels like this, in fact if we are real with each other and scratch beneath the surface, we will find the truth, that men are just as insecure as women; they are just better at hiding it. And that is why God gave them the responsibility of managing the household, and that is the same reason so many men flee from that responsibility. Any fool can make a baby, but only real men raise their children- Boyz N The Hood. 

The loss of GAME

The loss of GAME is another kick in the nuts for the high street. However, this one was seen from a long way off. The problem is largely the same as it is for most companies that fail. There has been a lack of diversification within the industry and a failure to adapt changes within the wider markets. Actually I think what brought it home for me was a conversation with two different young people, from different parts of Bradford.

Both said, “I’d much rather be down the park playing football, consoles are boring.”

I totally agree with them, there are much more entertaining things in the world than playing computer games all day. Even things like the Kinect have failed to draw in younger gamers. They are interesting for a time, but the reality is, when the sun is shining, there is nothing better than kicking a football about in a park, having a bbq or lounging round on the grass.

There is also a second problem, mobile gaming has taken over. Modern Combat Three, a recent purchase of mine. The sheer volume of “bloody Hells,” I got for the graphics were astounding. It is pretty decent, and apparently the online play is good too. Here is a video of it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q4Grut2xr1Q . Just to clarify I have a Sony Xperia Play, so this game is even better for me as I have a joypad, and not a fiddly touch screen. So far it has meant hours of fun for me. And did it cost me hundreds of pounds? No–it cost me three quid, and I downloaded it straight onto my phone. We will see more of these games as the software and phones get better. In the mean time, the consoles are aging badly, and if they don’t start appealing to younger audiences, pretty soon the online world of gaming will just be a bunch of middle aged, over weight gamers ripping on each other’s mothers. 

The Child Who Loved to Groove

At the age of seven, I remember picking up a copy of an interesting CD off the side. It had a rounded metal guitar on it. It intrigued me, to say the least. My mum had just brought a new CD player with four disc trays, and a banging sound system. I took full advantage. This particular band were of course Dire Straits, not that I knew that at the time, I just liked the songs. In fact, it wasn’t just Dire Straits. One night, our long suffering neighbour, ended up banging on the door, someone was playing Oasis at eleven O’ clock at night. My neighbour was confused and angry. My baby sitter too was shocked, she was in bed! Imagine how surprised they both were to find a seven year old Joseph Turner grooving away to Wonderwall in the living room. The third album I loved was Nirvana’s Nevermind with the picture of the naked baby on the front. Whilst on holiday in Malta, they had it on a jukebox, I put it on over and over again. I loved Come as you Are. However, like that baby in the picture (I saw a news report on him a couple of months ago) I am now grown up.

My taste in music has grown up too. I tried to be cool, which meant sticking with one genre, but I loved everything. Every time I tried, new music from a different genre would always slip into my collection and wreck my dream of being trendy.  At present, there are roughly one hundred and thirty bands on my Spotify. A lot more if you count the compilations. The latest editions to my music collection include Coldplay’s Mylo Xyloto, and Enter Shikari’s, a flash Flood of colour. Both exceptional albums, but on totally different spectrums to each other. One has elements of the Verve, the other sounds like the techno, you'd imagine The Jetsons would listen to. Many things have changed, but one thing hasn’t; like that little boy who used to blast out to Dire Straits on full volume, I still have exceptional taste in music. If you are wondering what my favourite album is, I would say at this moment, Sound of Melodies by Leeland. It continues to speak to me in a powerful way about the Grace of God. Of course, any album that starts “we are called to be your people, struggling sinners and thieves” is gonna chime with me. I highly recommend listening to it. It should be available on Youtube.

The Little Lost Lamb

The devil roars, I escape, another soul saved.

The water of life flows out from this place from a rock in the desert.

Who’d have thought it, just one man, on one day would be enough,

enough to vanquish our sin as far as the east is from the west.

But where am I? I strayed too far....

Oh lord tip over the water jars of the heavens for I am thirsty.

The devil taunts me, I feel alone in this, come to me in my darkest hour.

Pick me up like a newborn lamb, carry me under your arm, you good shepherd.

An enemy approaches with a staff, no wait–the good shepherd. You came for me!!!

I asked you to come, and you did! My leg hurts good shepherd.

“Your fleece is all muddy lamb. You must be so thirsty, and your poor leg. Why did you wander from me?” Asked the good shepherd.

You found me with a broken ankle in the wilderness, I was so scared.

Bind up my wounds and bring me home. Show me what it means to lie down in green pastures.

Protect me from the wolves, from the lions that seek to devour.

God you are good to me, though I fled from you, you still carried me home.

"I don’t deserve you, what did I do to earn such favour with you?

Nothing for I am just a lamb after all..."

“You may just be a lamb,” replied the good shepherd “but you are my lamb.”