Flowers and Rain

I always thought women had the raw end of the deal, child birth is incredibly painful. Life for them isn’t easy; they are often dogged by insecurity. Most end up finding theirs in their partner. Actually there is a very sweet quote with regards to it. God could have chosen to make woman out of any part of man, but he chose the rib, why? Because she would be by his side, under his arm, and close to his heart. Of course the older I get the more I realise men have burdens too. Nothing as painful as labour granted. No, most men’s turmoil comes from within themselves. As I approach my mid twenties, what I can become all too aware of is this nagging sense of failure that seems to nip at my heels like a little dog. Most days it feels like everyone is moving forward, except me.

 It’s tough because actually I chose to do this year out. I love the people of Bradford, even the one’s I struggle to understand.  It has meant my entire life was put on hold for a year, and a person with an in built desire and strong work ethic (like myself) that is Hell on earth. Worse than that, I am now paying the price for my poor choices at A Level. It could now take up three years for me to become a primary school teacher, because I didn’t do English, Maths or science at A level. Knowing that we don’t get flowers without a little bit of rain is not much comfort when you are stuck in the middle of a storm. The funniest thing is if I moan about it all I get back from God is “You do not know the good things I have for you,” and the sound of faint laughter.  Although you know what does bring me comfort, in all of this, I know the rubbish that biblical Joseph went through. God made big promises–that he would be a ruler of a nation. Then he was left in a ditch by his brothers, sold into slavery and was put in prison for a crime he did not commit. And at that point when life could not get any worse, it doesn’t, he gets his chance in front of Pharaoh, then becomes a joint ruler of Israel, then saves his brothers from a famine.  All I can think is that God must have some really important things for me to do, because this feels at times nigh on impossible.  If you feel like you are being put through a grinder at the moment, I recommend Rob Bell’s rain video. It is a massive comfort to me when the crap hits the fan.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=koutUz0Im48

 Anyway as I was saying what I am fast realising is that the buck stops with man, not woman. As a Christian man I am answerable and responsible for my wife (whoever she maybe), for my unborn children and my future. That is a big weight to carry. It seems to grow heavier with every passing day. The interesting thing is, I am sure I am not the only man who feels like this, in fact if we are real with each other and scratch beneath the surface, we will find the truth, that men are just as insecure as women; they are just better at hiding it. And that is why God gave them the responsibility of managing the household, and that is the same reason so many men flee from that responsibility. Any fool can make a baby, but only real men raise their children- Boyz N The Hood.