Unfinished Business

 I sat down this evening, not really knowing what to do, the first book Nowhere to be Found is with a close friend being read, possibly even as I write this blog. I am unwilling to work on the second book, simply because I am sick of looking at it. If you’ve ever edited a book, you will know what I mean. There is only so many times you can read something before you drive yourself mad. I sat down mulling over what to do next. Starting the short stories seems like a logical choice, but I am somewhat lacking in inspiration at present for a decent short story, and I am not one for peddling crap, I want good, inspired writing. 


This led me back to an old piece I’d written, well half-written. Two Brothers was inspired by my time spent in Bermondsey, soaking up the local culture. I wasn’t too sure when I put it down, was the idea workable? It certainly seemed like it, but something nagged at me. I didn’t want to waste time on it, then realise it was awful, so I promptly started the second Matthew Deezat book instead; leaving the eight thousand words of Two Brothers, I had written on a file on my desktop. Tonight after reading about seven articles, I stumbled back over it, and the scary thing is, I liked it, I really liked it. It made me laugh. I feel like this year has been a year of unfinished business. For example the football project that never got started, the dream of completing my first novel. I don’t think I want Two Brothers to be added to the list of Joseph Turner’s unfinished business, it deserves better than that. Not that it is all my fault; in some cases, I have just been caught up in litigation. For example, the football project that couldn’t get started because my CRB didn’t come through. My elder has a policy, called the push doors policy. Basically you push doors and see what opens. If it doesn’t open then move on. I don’t agree in some ways, my policy is if it doesn’t open then keep pushing till it does! But I am not one for wasting time; it is too precious to waste, so I will just be pushing more lightly from now on. If God wills it, then it will happen. The best advice I can give in terms of actually finishing your books is momentum is key. If you've lost your momentum you are in trouble. If you need to rekindle it, the best thing to do is re-read the piece. You may at that point remember why you wrote it, and thus why you should finish it.


I must have close to twenty documents, ranging from short stories to whole novels (mostly unfinished) on my computer at present, which for whatever reason I have not caught the vision for, or perhaps have just forgot about. I think this is going to be a week of panning for gold; sifting through my old stories in search of gold. Perhaps I will publish Two Brothers on Hubpages when I am done, Chapter by chapter. Oh the possibilities–in the mean time I have a lot to be getting on with; not least my Teaching Assistant training. Exciting times indeed!

An update from Bradford: A New Found Hope

Last week was probably one of the toughest weeks I have had in years. I saw people around me taking significant steps forward, charting their lives out, whilst I appeared to be going nowhere. I found that incredibly frustrating. I was happy for my friends, but starting feeling sorry for myself. This week however, I finally came to a decision and signed up for a teaching assistant course. I love working with young people so it seems like a logical choice and there is the opportunity to become a teacher if I fancy it. In the writing world things have moved on significantly, I have completed another draft of the second book, and I am now starting my first joint collaborative piece with  Brandon Vaughan. We are doing a collection of short stories together. The first of which is finished, I have just had an idea for the second book, and will be working on it over the next couple of days. I have also moved onto Hubpages, an online writing community. I have published two stories and an article on Bradford already, and am meeting new people through it, and best of all I am feeling a lot more positive. Life is good again! I am sure some people are reading this thinking: I only wish my dark spells were as short as yours, Joseph. That's God, he carries us through the rough times. On the church front, we are doing masses of outreach over the next week to promote Alpha, we have something like 1500 fliers printed, so Christians getting praying for opportunities and divine appointments.

Flowers and Rain

I always thought women had the raw end of the deal, child birth is incredibly painful. Life for them isn’t easy; they are often dogged by insecurity. Most end up finding theirs in their partner. Actually there is a very sweet quote with regards to it. God could have chosen to make woman out of any part of man, but he chose the rib, why? Because she would be by his side, under his arm, and close to his heart. Of course the older I get the more I realise men have burdens too. Nothing as painful as labour granted. No, most men’s turmoil comes from within themselves. As I approach my mid twenties, what I can become all too aware of is this nagging sense of failure that seems to nip at my heels like a little dog. Most days it feels like everyone is moving forward, except me.

 It’s tough because actually I chose to do this year out. I love the people of Bradford, even the one’s I struggle to understand.  It has meant my entire life was put on hold for a year, and a person with an in built desire and strong work ethic (like myself) that is Hell on earth. Worse than that, I am now paying the price for my poor choices at A Level. It could now take up three years for me to become a primary school teacher, because I didn’t do English, Maths or science at A level. Knowing that we don’t get flowers without a little bit of rain is not much comfort when you are stuck in the middle of a storm. The funniest thing is if I moan about it all I get back from God is “You do not know the good things I have for you,” and the sound of faint laughter.  Although you know what does bring me comfort, in all of this, I know the rubbish that biblical Joseph went through. God made big promises–that he would be a ruler of a nation. Then he was left in a ditch by his brothers, sold into slavery and was put in prison for a crime he did not commit. And at that point when life could not get any worse, it doesn’t, he gets his chance in front of Pharaoh, then becomes a joint ruler of Israel, then saves his brothers from a famine.  All I can think is that God must have some really important things for me to do, because this feels at times nigh on impossible.  If you feel like you are being put through a grinder at the moment, I recommend Rob Bell’s rain video. It is a massive comfort to me when the crap hits the fan.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=koutUz0Im48

 Anyway as I was saying what I am fast realising is that the buck stops with man, not woman. As a Christian man I am answerable and responsible for my wife (whoever she maybe), for my unborn children and my future. That is a big weight to carry. It seems to grow heavier with every passing day. The interesting thing is, I am sure I am not the only man who feels like this, in fact if we are real with each other and scratch beneath the surface, we will find the truth, that men are just as insecure as women; they are just better at hiding it. And that is why God gave them the responsibility of managing the household, and that is the same reason so many men flee from that responsibility. Any fool can make a baby, but only real men raise their children- Boyz N The Hood.