A day of endings and New beginnings

It's a day of endings and new beginnings. Viewshound is closing. Whilst it is not a unexpected end for a site that was dishing out cash, like it grew on trees. It is been traunmatic for us as it's writers, and what it created was something really special. C.S Lewis was quoted as saying "We read to know we are not alone." I think the same can be said of writers. And truly what the website taught us, is that we are not alone. Indeed there is a sea of aspiring authors and writers out there. People who want their voice heard, people who after forty years on this planet are completly lost, and people with incredibly stories to tell. The sun however has set on Viewshound, but life carries on in much the same way as it always has. Guess I should hunt down a new website to write on. Merry Christmas! 2012 will be the year I can finally afford to send Nowhere to be Found off to the editors one last time. Who would have thought writing would be such a costly and time consuming process? The good news is we have a first draft of Unspent Convictions, and if I do say so myself, more of the rip roaring action, will they-won't they moments, that are defining Matthew Deezat as a character. 2012 is going to be a good year, I can feel it in my bones!  

An update from Bradford: Persevere

Persevere, the word of knowledge I was given before I left for Bradford. A week to a job, over a month to a house, but the growth spiritually has been undeniable. My heart has softened, my time with God has changed our relationship. My understanding of the gospel of Grace has reached new heights. The only negative change is my failure to keep up with my blog and finish the novel. My attention instead has been on viewshound. I have been regularly writing for the website. There is, however, light at the end of this exceedingly long tunnel. Just a glimmer of hope that I may get it finished before I turn twenty three. My finances, at a squeeze, may permit me to finish the novel by christmas. It, however, will be a risk financially. That little barrier of financial protection I built up will be demolished in a day. Then again what is life without a bit of risk! Better to regret those things we tried and failed at, than to regret those things we never tried for fear of failure. Forward I say. Always forward. I want to be able to say, I have written a book, and mean it. That to me would be worth significantly more than any cost involved and comparable risk.

The time I went looking for underwear and found three hundred quid

Personal growth is something we should always aspire to do, we don’t like too though, why? Because it isn’t easy to put yourself out of your comfort zone. Suddenly the risk factor goes through the roof; there are people that need to get involved. You are now responsible for the welfare of those people who are working for your organisation, as well as the people who benefit from the service it delivers. Recently I had a dream, in that dream I got on a bus, got off in the wrong place, then started chatting to a young person. It reaffirmed what I believe personally, that though I may think I am in the wrong place, I am exactly where God wants me.  A month and a half ago I upped sticks and moved to Bradford intending to start a new youth outreach project in the area. This week has been massively significant in seeing it come through. Five days ago, I had a vision of a round object coming down and hitting me. (One of the stranger parts about being a Christian). I heard it in my ear, opened my eyes, but there was nothing there. The next morning I got a call off my brother, a phone arrived at my house in London. I did not order this phone. It came as a free gift from 02’s big Ideas project.  This meant that the funding; which I had applied for several months earlier to use on a youth project and forgot about, wouldn’t be too far behind it. I checked my account, the money hadn’t come in. I knew it would though. So I began considering running a football project in Bradford, the idea was forming by mid week. By Sunday, I had my first volunteer, a local lad who is training to be a P.E. teacher. The best part is he works at the same pub as me. I got a job in that pub within a week of arriving in Bradford (which is by anyone’s tally amazing).

                All of this happened because I stepped out of the boat and answered a call to move to Bradford.  The best part is not the phone, but the money, on Friday, whilst looking for the ever so rare commodity: clean underwear. I noticed the bag my brother had given me filled with clothes  from my home in London had a bulge in it. I hoped beyond all hope it was underwear, I unzipped the bag and found some letters. Amongst them, a cash card from 02 to spend on the project. Three hundred quid. So I can truly say that God has provided. He saw my heart and even got the money to me in Bradford! For Christians I hope this is a faith building story. Step out of the boat and watch yourself walk on water. I had more good news today, the phone which is mine to keep, has a party interested in it. So not only will the project benefit, but I will now get money as well to help me fund the final edit on my novel. God is good.      

The cover for my latest short story, should be available on Amazon within the next couple of days

The unwanted child

Here I go to be carted off again

To a new house, to a different place

Wishing this will be the place I stay

Every time I make some friends, to a new home I am sent

I pack my stuff in black bin liners and off I go

Do you know what it is like not to be loved?

To wake up each day and long for a parent

For a place to call home

A place where I can reap the seeds I sow

I go to my carers and am tormented

Go to school and I am bullied

I hate my life, and the only whispers I hear

Are the ones from the devil in my left ear

“you are all alone, no one loves you

There is no God in heaven, no father above you.”

I cry myself to sleep, my self-loathing is so deep

Is this the life you want for me?

If not then would you please adopt me....

An update from Bradford: Enduring change

Just because you are doing the right thing, doesn’t mean it is going to be easy. Indeed only too often the hardest thing and the right thing to do are the same thing. I have to remind myself of that every day. I was called here, it is challenging: missing passports, lost finance, no house and no job. My God is it challenging!!! but I will persevere because actually God did not promise it would be easy. In fact often, when we do what we are asked to do, life suddenly gets significantly harder, not easier. Why? Because it involves change, and change is never easy. Then again, I was reminded this morning when I met a couple in the laundrette, there is a purpose to me being here. A family with four kids, and an amazing dog called Oliver. A very cute beagle! That is why I am here, families upon families of unsaved people. The good news is the move is a great conversation starter. As for the cloud I am sure it will pass, but I have a feeling it will get worse before it gets better, but then we don’t get flowers without a little bit of rain, do we?

Stamp on your ants before a monkey swings into town

Life can be split into three different tasks types: elephants, monkeys and ants. We have spent the last week doing management training. It seems strange to define tasks as monkeys, ants and elephants. However, I have found it quite an effective medium for time management. In the last week, I have had one monkey, several ants and one elephant. Monkeys are defined as distractions. Monkeys swing into town and distract you from work. We were offered to go out on Thursday night. However, I aimed to get my novel finished and sent off by Friday. That was my ant–ants need to be stamped on! Another ant was booking my rail ticket back to Leeds.
Now elephants are the most important things–family life, church life. They are a constant in our lives. Fortunately as a single man I don’t have many elephants. Although all that is about to change–youth work, fund raising, evangelism and not to mention the writing. I am going from none to a herd. Although a saying I heard today seemed relevant “I have so much to do today, I will have to pray for at least three hours to ensure I finish it all.” Organisation, was always a weakness for me. Fortunately the being I work for organised the entire universe, organises times and places for people to be saved, knows the numbers of hairs on our heads. I need some of that!!! So yeah just thought I would share that tip with you before I got distracted by a monkey. It’s been an awesome week seen God move for the people of Hartlepool although I got pinned by a spiritualist for half an hour! The spiritual battle taking to the streets, of course I won, although I am not exactly sure what I won... All support appreciated if you want to be added to the mailing list for “Nowhere to be Found”. My email is josephturner567@hotmail.co.uk, just drop me an email and I will let you know when it is published.

An update from Bradford: A man in pursuit of his creator

The word ‘change’ and several other words echo through my mind as I walk up the hill from Arches gym for the last time. My last visit to my home group, the people I have been meeting for the last twelve months was a laugh fest as usual. Don’s contribution went down a storm. I will miss that group. So why make a change? Two reasons, I am comfortable, which by definition is bad because if we are comfortable, then we are not challenging ourselves. We tend to grow a lot less in those circumstances. I don’t want to be comfortable, I want to wake up and know I am living on the edge of a new experience. The lyrics to a Nickelback’s song which is fast becoming my favourite, summarize my feelings quite well.

“My best friend gave me the best advice,
He said each day's a gift and not a given right

Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind
And try to take the path less travelled by”

Also the truth is that my growth spiritually has been somewhat stunted by living at home. It has been under pressure for a considerable time. The only time I really felt like I was growing, was during a short break to France- Where I was given the space to explore my faith more deeply. This is more than just a simple exercise of re-locating. What I am actually doing for the first time in my life is putting my faith in God’s provision. I mean I have given into the kingdom many times, but to actually expect something from the Kingdom financially. This is another level for me...  I believe it can only serve to strengthen my faith and I am excited to see what God has for me in Bradford.   If you feel compelled to give into the Aire Valley church plant. All gifts should be addressed to: 16 Sorrel Way Shipley, bd177qg. If the gift is specifically to finance my year out, then say so in the gift. Alternatives include, buying me shopping. I am grateful for any contribution especially prayers.  I look forward to telling you many stories of how God moved in Bradford and updating you on the progress of the novels. Until then stay tuned folks, things are about to get real interesting!!!   

Goal Setting (scary but fun)

So my first book is nearing completion. Scary in one sense, because this time last year I had only just started ‘Nowhere to be found.’ I have been blessed with some excellent editors– Some professional, some friends & colleagues. Writing is easy. However, the majority of my time is not spent writing, it has been spent proofing, which is terribly repetitive. I have had people say to me: “I could never write a book.” I don’t agree with that, because all we need to do to write is set a goal, each day when we sit down at the table and type. (slightly simplistic I know, but remember we said a book, not a good book). Two thousand words, three thousand. You don’t even have to hit that goal. But I tell you if you have a goal, at least you will write something! What I like is that this practice is universally applicable, and can be used from anything from running the marathon to learning to skateboard. So give it a go, plan your days and you will see how much less time you spend vegging in front of the tv. There is always a fear about goal setting, just think if you don't do it you are likely to achieve less than if you are over ambitious and set an unrealistic goal. Just tell yourself "it is better to regret the things you tried and failed at, than to regret that which you never tried for fear of failure." So set some goals and watch your life be transformed!!! Then you may one day be in the surreal situation I am in, having almost completed my first novel at twenty two.

The pursuit of Happiness

The fight for spiritual contentment is one we all face. As I reach my early twenties, I am becoming aware that many of us are not happy. Though I find myself to be quite content, I look around and I see a lot of angry people. The quote I hear only too often is “I am not getting paid enough.” Of course, you aren’t and most top executives, CEO’s and clerical assistants and everyone besides believes that too. If you really want to be content, you have to stop comparing yourself to everyone else. Their lives aren’t any better than yours, they are just different. The grass will always be greener on the other side. So the best thing you can do is to stop peering over the hedge because it will only make you miserable. Everyone including celebrities have problems, I mean look at Amy Winehouse. Now that I have mentioned it, my hope is that you will become acutely aware of envy as the week goes by you begin to realise we live to our means. Whatever you have, you will spend, so stop looking on in envy at what everyone else has got and get back to living! You are in this moment only. In this time, you exist and only this time. Yesterday is history, tomorrow a mystery, but today is a gift that is why we call it the present₁. What do you need to do other than breathe to survive for another twenty seconds? Contentment can not be achieved outwardly through material gain and yes many have tried. It is about accepting what you have as being enough, whether you are in a one million pound house or a bed sit.  

₁1902 book, "Sun Dials and Roses of Yesterday: Garden Delights..." by Alice Morse Earle.

Growth Through Getting It Wrong

Life  in case you haven’t noticed will sometimes kick you when your down. I think due to the week I have had it would be an appropriate time to discuss failure. It has been a significant week, in terms of failures. The young people had their tennis tournaments this week. The results were mixed, some lost. I had to lead yet another football session. It did not go well, I lost my temper. Whenever I fail at something I have a habit of beating myself up for about a week. This is bad because there is a danger I will miss the point. With every defeat and failure, there are lessons to be learned. I recall what was said to Bruce in Batman Begins after he came close to dying: “Why do we fall Bruce? So we can learn to pick ourselves up again.” You see we only ever truly fail at something when we stop trying. Its OK to make mistakes, it's not OK to give up because you are making mistakes. And it's not OK to be childish because your mistakes cost you.

I did a lot wrong when leading that session. I did no stay calm. I was too proud to get another worker. The list to me seemed endless. However, what I did notice was that only a handful of young people caused the problems. The young people who I had spent time with did not get involved. They stayed back, they were obedient. All most young people want is your attention, you give them that and you get their respect. That is the main thing I learned from that session.

Now for the second lesson. When you make mistakes, it is easy to blame someone else. The truth is the blame normally falls on the man who points the finger. It is easy to blame someone else. The world is wrong, and I am right. However, if you don’t look inwards for your solutions then you will never grow as a person. So go out, make mistakes and learn and eventually your mistakes will build to your successes. And remember 'many of lives failures are people who did not realise how close they were to success when they gave up' - Thomas Alva Edison (February 11, 1847 – October 18, 1931).

My future love

My future love I wonder where you are.

Lounging on the lawn or driving your car.

I long to meet you, to touch your face.

To have your kids and build our place.

I wonder if we met before, in a far away land or a distant shore...

My future love did I see you in my sleep?

I fell in our love, for it was so deep.

As I woke your face was carried away.

Leaving me alone for another day.

My future love come along soon, for life is short but too long without you.

Is something getting the best of you?

This is not an article about self exploration per se. More about reaching one's potential. I had a revelation today as I was playing tennis. Tennis has been a bed rock in my life since my childhood but now I am starting to get serious, at least my attitude is. What I have found with a sport like tennis is that unless I am absolutely pushing then there is a real possibility that I will get worse. Attitude proceeds ability. I may have got marginally better in the last year but I am still not happy. Why? Because whilst I have improved my lack lustre attitude means I am not improving nearly as quickly as I would like. So what changed? I began questioning every shot. How can I improve on that? And for the first time the majority of my forehands went in, with force, power and control. I was fighting myself to get better. I hope this fight lasts, striving to be continually better is something that could transform every aspect of my life, not just my tennis game.  And why bother? Because as two of our fish found out this morning (we found them dead), life is not nearly as long as it first appears. In fact it is over in a flash.  Don't you want to make your mark before your time is done? 

No one calls

I wake to another dreary day, I know already it will be the same.

I walk downstairs and hunt all day for a job that pays a decent wage.

I send out cvs and applications, to every office in this whole damned nation

But alas, no one calls.

I search the papers I ring up Reed, but they tell me there is no job  for me.

So I raid my penny jar in the hope of affording  even a chocolate bar.

I call in favours from old friends

But alas, another dead end.  

Why, oh why did I do that degree? I say hating myself so violently.

The writing is how I find my release, the only way I get some peace.

by Joseph  A. K. Turner

A brush with the past

It was dark, as it often was as Jack made his way back up the road. The night was bitterly cold and the wind was howling forcing Jack to button his jacket even more tightly than usual. Jack hated walking back this way. The path that led up to his home was poorly lit with a solitary street light which seemed to do little more than mock him. Showing him what light looked like without giving off enough of it to actually make any difference. Up ahead in the fog he was sure he could see a couple. The wife had fallen over and the husband was leaning over trying to pick her up.  Jack could barely see them through the fog and even as he drew near their faces remained pale. The smell of alcohol was potent, they were red wine drinkers Jack recognised the smell from one of his ex’s. Being kindly Jack offered some assistance."No thank you, me and my wife are fine," said the man however he soon however felt a nudge in his rib cage from his wife. 

“Let the boy help us,” she said in a frosty voice that sent shivers down Jack’s spine. “Actually we could use some help if that is alright,” said the lady smiling insincerely. Jack went over and grabbed the lady by the arm and with the help of the man managed to hoist her up to her feet.

“I am so sorry, I think I have had too much to drink,” said the lady apologetically. 

“That’s ok, happens to everyone,” smiled Jack.  His eyes met the ladies for a moment.

“You would not believe I was a grandmother would you?”

“You flaming would!” said the husband laughing brashly. He looked at his wife who seemed far from impressed. “So where do you live mate?” asked the husband quickly changing the subject.

“Straight up the hill.”

“Oh so do we,” replied the man.

“Yeah I live above Dianne.”

The man looked at Jack strangely.

“Who’s Dianne?”

“Dianne has lived in seventeen chesterfield gardens for five years. You guys must not mix much.”  

“No we keep ourselves to ourselves really,” conceded the husband.

“I think I know who she is,” said his wife.   

“What are your names by the way?”

“I am Michael and this is Jean, we have not seen you round here before are you new?” asked Michael whilst trying to hold up his drunk wife.

“Yeah I only moved in last month.”

“Woops,” said Jean as her sandals slipped off.

“Why in God’s name did you wear sandals! Look at the state of them; you can leave them outside tonight.” Michael paused for a moment before wrapping his arm under Jean to ensure she did not slip again. “Oh for Christ's sake why do you always have to get so drunk!?” said the husband. At this moment an awkward silence settled over the trio making the journey up the hill even more agonising. 

 Jack was thankful they were nearing the top of the hill, he was getting sick of carrying Jean.  As they arrived at the top of the hill by St Ursula’s school, the wife looked at Jack.

“Where do you live then?” asked Jack in a desperate attempt to break the silence. 

“Well we actually live round the front but we find it easier to cut through the middle of the square.”

“Oh right well I guess this is where we part ways then,” smiled Jack.

“Thank you so much for your help you have been a darling,” said the women kissing him on the cheek suggestively.

                The final approach to the house was the darkest part of the journey by far. Jack could see less than a metre in front of him. He fumbled for the stairs that led onto his patio and into his house. As he stepped on the porch he slipped on a pair of sandals that seemed to emerge from the fog. He managed to regain his balance. The shoes were only too familiar, the same ones the lady had been wearing but why had she left them in front of his door. As Jack opened the door and walked up the stairs, he heard someone behind him.

“You’re late!” said his wife “Where have you been? I was worried sick. I actually went out looking for you!” said his wife unbuttoning her coat. 

“Sorry darling, I was helping carry a drunken person up the hill, one of our new neighbours.”

“I hope you did not do it by yourself,” said Jack’s wife softly.

“No her husband was with her.”

“What husband? You know this whole place is full of single parents.”

“Yeah I know and what is even weirder is that she left her shoes outside our front door.”

“Jack what are you talking about?”

“I came in behind you there are no shoes by the front door.”
“But I just tripped over them,” said Jack walking back down the stairs and peering out the door.

“You did not move them did you?” said Jack looking out the front door at the patio.

“What kind of stupid question is that!” said his wife.

“I must be going mad.... I am sure I recognised their names though.”

“What were they?”

“Jean and Michael,” said Jack.

“Yeah so do I and I remember where from, look at this. It's last week’s post,” said his wife holding up two of the letters.

“This one is for Jean and this one is for Michael.”
"Weird. I wonder what they're doing back here..." said Jack taking off his jacket. 

 Jack caught up with Dianne their neighbour the next day as she was pruning flowers in her flower bed.  “Dianne, you know before we moved in....”

“Yes I remember the whole estate was a lot quieter,” said Dianne brashly.

“Yes but... that is not what I am asking about. How long ago did the past owners leave?”

"What they didn't leave? they died," said Dianne pulling out a weed. "He died before I came to the estate; she died about a month before you moved in, drunk herself to death poor thing.” 

 Jack gulped deeply. He wished he never asked.

Joseph Turner’s blog, Joe Turner blog, nowhere to be found, Nowhere to be Found, Matthew Deezat, A brush with the Past, writer’s blog, writers blog, writing blog, ghost stories, ghostly stories, joseph turner, Joseph Turner writer,joe turner writer, joseph ak turner , joseph a k turner,

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